Saturday, August 22, 2009

"Real Job"

So, I love being a Modern Bohemian and living my life on my terms and not answering to anybody, but the truth is... it is near impossible to live this way much longer. Not that I am giving up my freedom all together... it's just... I need a "real job." The dreaded "real job." Sigh...
But here's the thing. There is a job that would be categorized as a "real job," but still acceptable in the Hippie/Bohemian/Free-Spirit community as an acceptable Modern Bohemian job... and that job is as a music teacher. That happens to be what I am qualified to do (with my college degree and all...) and there is a position open. And I interviewed for it. And I thought it went well. And they said that they would call last week. And they haven't called.
I have had a horrible time this whole past week, wondering about this job. Agonizing over this job. I'm sure Dale Carnegie would be disappointed in my complete freak out mode I have adopted, but there's a reason that I am a free-spirit... I've never been able to stick to something made up by someone else. I always have to put my own spin on things... not that it is always helpful. I should be staying calm and optimistic, but I'm not. The truth is... I can't be calm and okay because I want this job so much. I love teaching, and I love music, and I love working with kids. This job has it all! And it's part time, so no need to feel completely bogged down... and it's in my hometown! Why wouldn't they want me? I grew up there... but who knows...
I guess here's to hoping they call next week. I sent a thank you note and an e-mail. Maybe I should call next week, but I don't want to appear desperate... (even though I probably am...)
The frustration of it all...
I just want to succeed again. I have had a few failures haunting me for the past few years and I just want to break free of them and live in complete happiness and harmony with myself again. I feel like if I can succeed at finding and keeping a "real job" and continue to support myself financially, I can find that balance I need to be golden. :) Money (and lack thereof) really can contribute to stress, agitation, and a person's overall outlook. It's too bad, but if you're living in the U.S. right now, it's a reality. Reality. I like it so much better when I don't have to focus on reality. (See blog post about children...)
But the reality of the situation is, I need a "real job." I still hope it will be this one, but if not... I will pick myself up and try again somewhere else.

I will not falter,
I will not fall.
I will not fail you all.