It has been ages since my last post, and I apologize. My laptop kind of crashed on me. I gave it to my cousin R. to look at because he is a genius with computers. But no word back yet.
In any case, I am here now (on Will's computer, while he sleeps so soundly behind me in bed) and I have lots to "let you into my world about," as Dane Cook would say.
Well... I was fired. Goodbye music teacher! Not "fired" I guess, but "let go." Effective as soon as school is done of course. Which is great, because I love coming to work knowing that I am not wanted anymore by the district. I love watching all the beautiful kids smile as they say they can't wait for music next year, and not being able to say "You may not even have a music program... and if you do... I won't be here!" The best part though is the fake "goodmornings," "how are yous," and "thanks, dears" that I have to take from my boss. Love that.
As you can see, at 2:37 AM on this chilly Tuesday morning, sarcasm is reigning supreme. It's just... I don't know how to deal with this.
Part of me is so angry and upset. And that part makes me want to be sarcastic, swear a lot during angry tirades directed at people who will never hear them (usually the ones who DO hear them are Will and the cats), and give up all motivation and possibly sanity. But I shouldn't do all that... should I?
The weird thing is, part of me is totally okay with all this. Why? Well... I realized something: I don't really want to be a teacher.
Now don't get me wrong. I love teaching, I love children, and I love music. The problem is that I truly dislike everything else about it. A short list of those things that I dislike:
-Being looked down upon as a music teacher because you are a "special" not a "core class."
-The fact that I can't just do my job and go home. There's always more to do, and if it's not done on my free time, I will get in trouble at work. That's just stupid.
-I am teacher, secretary, babysitter, nurse, friend, boss, and stand-in mother figure all in one, but am not given the time or resources I need to do all these things.
-If my cat is sick or I get caught by a train or I have a car accident or if I am puking my brains out at a rest stop, I get written up for being late and my reasons aren't considered legitimate. What?!?
-Meetings. Especially ones where they say NOTHING that really applies to me. Or how about "professional development days" where my valuable time that I could be using to get caught up or learn something new about music or teaching is spent in meetings, working on stuff that I never would normally see, let alone have an impact on (usually for the "core classes"), or (and yes, you're reading this right) NOTHING. Yes, nothing.
-Having my job on the line constantly.
-The fact that it's more about "how long you've been there" and "how much ass you kiss," not how well you actually teach. At least... that's what it seems like in my experience.
-Etc. Etc. The list goes on and on.
Now before I get to anything else... I'll let you take this entry in. I'll be back soon to write more.
And for those of you worried for me, saying "Meagan, aren't you afraid your employers are going to see this?" Well... what if they do? What are they going to do? Fire me? ;)
I'll try to stay positive my friends... but it is a struggle as of late.
Peace and Love,