Living (and Losing) in the Crazy Bohemian Life

Once again, it has been a long while since I've been on the blog to update you all on this crazy, bohemian life of mine. But I had to get back here; I had to get back to all my online work...
In the past few weeks I have received several emails, youtube messages, etc. from people all over the world who want to talk with me about my online writing, living the bohemian life, & how they can embrace a lifestyle & attitude like mine as their own. It's made me realize again just how important my online work is to me... I want to help people. I want to show that being a hippie, bohemian, free-spirit can be a positive thing. I want to spread peace & love to the world. And, on the selfish end, I want people to know me, see me, share in my love of art & music & creativity & innovation, & truly know me. Even if I am a stranger, I want the world to know my heart.

So here I am...

Why have I been away so long? Well, to be honest, I have let the demands of the "real world" take control of my life. Working two "real" jobs in addition to my writing & music, working 17-20 hours some days, & just basically working, working, working. This is not entirely a bad thing, as I have been building a brighter future financially, but it is a bad thing in the sense that I have not had as much time for my creative endeavors. But that is about to change, because if I keep my creative side restricted for too long I'll self-destruct in some way. I know this about myself.

So I am going to limit how much I work at my "real" jobs & focus more time on the following:

1. Finishing my Sci-Fi novel, "Alpha 7"
2. Finishing & publishing my second poetry book, "The Chaos that is Living"
3. Recording some music!!!
4. Writing more lists for List My Five
5. Updating the blogs
6. Writing more lenses on Squidoo
7. Helping others
8. Creating art

Not that I don't get satisfaction from my "real" jobs. They're good jobs. The first is as a line server at Qdoba. It's pretty awesome. I get to work with the public (which I love), I get to work with food (which I also love), & I get to work with some amazing people (who I definitely love.) The second is as a nanny. I work with two sweet little ones; teaching, playing, disciplining, inspiring, comforting... it is a true joy to me.  (I also still model, teach, & do extra work for movies & tv shows, just not as regularly.)

But "real" jobs cause me problems because I am not in full control of my destiny in a "real" job. How I do, how much I make, how far I advance, how I'm treated, & how much I am allowed to rock the boat are all determined by other people; higher ups, corporate big wigs, people in the right cliques... it frustrates me to no end. I NEED FREEDOM!

Maybe someday I will have all the freedom I need & I won't have to work "real" jobs anymore. That's the dream anyway...

 Before I go, I do want to share some sad news with you.

My sweet parakeet, Gumby, died recently. It was very sudden - he showed no signs of injury or illness.  He simply died, rather surprisingly, when I was gone at one of my jobs one day.

Gumby was a good bird. He  liked to sing with people, talk to birds outside, play birdie basketball & bowling, look at himself in mirrors, & fall asleep in shoes. He didn't bite, didn't scratch, & only made a fuss if you took him away from something he was enjoying. His favorite foods were millet, fresh lettuce, & honey treats. I called him my Gumby Goo & I loved him very much. I miss him a lot. So does Will. I think even the cats miss him. Ava & Zaneeta used to sit & watch Gumby, hang out with him, & occasionally get jealous of him if I paid him too much attention to him in front of them.  But they never hurt him; they never even tried to. And now, they look up at where his cage once sat with a strange cat version of sadness, disappointment, & confusion in their eyes... Sad.

We gave Gumby a funeral service of sorts out at my mom & dad's house & buried him next to my sweet Mya kitty & our doggies from when I was growing up, so at least we had some closure, & at least Gumby Goo has some great company.

But it is still so strange to be in our house & not hear Gumby's sweet songs drifting through the rooms...

I will be back soon. Very soon.
Peace & Love,
Meagan

PonchoMeg: The Soon to be Unemployed Bohemian

It has been ages since my last post, and I apologize.  My laptop kind of crashed on me.  I gave it to my cousin R. to look at because he is a genius with computers.  But no word back yet.
In any case, I am here now (on Will's computer, while he sleeps so soundly behind me in bed) and I have lots to "let you into my world about," as Dane Cook would say.
Well... I was fired.  Goodbye music teacher!  Not "fired" I guess, but "let go." Effective as soon as school is done of course.  Which is great, because I love coming to work knowing that I am not wanted anymore by the district.  I love watching all the beautiful kids smile as they say they can't wait for music next year, and not being able to say "You may not even have a music program... and if you do... I won't be here!"  The best part though is the fake "goodmornings," "how are yous," and "thanks, dears" that I have to take from my boss.  Love that.
As you can see, at 2:37 AM on this chilly Tuesday morning, sarcasm is reigning supreme.  It's just... I don't know how to deal with this.
Part of me is so angry and upset.  And that part makes me want to be sarcastic, swear a lot during angry tirades directed at people who will never hear them (usually the ones who DO hear them are Will and the cats), and give up all motivation and possibly sanity.  But I shouldn't do all that... should I?
The weird thing is, part of me is totally okay with all this.  Why?  Well... I realized something: I don't really want to be a teacher.
Now don't get me wrong.  I love teaching, I love children, and I love music.  The problem is that I truly dislike everything else about it.  A short list of those things that I dislike:
-Being looked down upon as a music teacher because you are a "special" not a "core class."
-The fact that I can't just do my job and go home.  There's always more to do, and if it's not done on my free time, I will get in trouble at work.  That's just stupid.
-I am teacher, secretary, babysitter, nurse, friend, boss, and stand-in mother figure all in one, but am not given the time or resources I need to do all these things.
-If my cat is sick or I get caught by a train or I have a car accident or if I am puking my brains out at a rest stop, I get written up for being late and my reasons aren't considered legitimate.  What?!?
-Meetings.  Especially ones where they say NOTHING that really applies to me.  Or how about "professional development days" where my valuable time that I could be using to get caught up or learn something new about music or teaching is spent in meetings, working on stuff that I never would normally see, let alone have an impact on (usually for the "core classes"), or (and yes, you're reading this right) NOTHING.  Yes, nothing.
-Having my job on the line constantly.
-The fact that it's more about "how long you've been there" and "how much ass you kiss," not how well you actually teach.  At least... that's what it seems like in my experience.
-Etc. Etc.  The list goes on and on.
Now before I get to anything else... I'll let you take this entry in.  I'll be back soon to write more.
And for those of you worried for me, saying "Meagan, aren't you afraid your employers are going to see this?" Well... what if they do?  What are they going to do? Fire me? ;)
I'll try to stay positive my friends... but it is a struggle as of late.
Peace and Love,
Meagan

Be Grateful

"Live like you were dying." -Tim McGraw

"No day but today." -Jonathan Larson

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." -James Dean

We hear these things all the time. "Live for today..." "Make the most of every day..." But... do we all do this? Do we appreciate each day as if it is a golden gift? Because it is. Every day we breathe the air we breathe, see the sights we see, hear the sounds we hear, love the people we love... but how much do we really appreciate it?

I watched "Last Holiday" again. Now, say what you will about that movie: It's predictable... maybe. It's a chick flick... probably. But that movie touches me. Why? Because it is another one of those reminders that we should appreciate our life. Not put everything off until tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes?

Maybe I get too thoughtful over movies or songs or famous quotes or poetry or theatre or whatever... but my sensitive soul is moved by these things, especially the ones that remind me of all there is to be grateful for.

The world is beautiful. Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is hardship. But the world is beautiful. And I am so grateful to be in it. I need to remember this. We all need to remember this.

So often we live day to day not thinking of these things. We get up, go to work, pay the bills, sleep... get up, go to work, pay the bills, sleep... get up.......... okay, you get the picture.

But why?

Now don't get me wrong. I understand the importance of work and money in the world we live in now; in fact, I feel pretty darn good after a hard day's work. But I just know that there's more. There's more to life than working to get by... clipping coupons, working overtime... there's so much more.

I have to believe that I can have it all. I have to believe that I don't just have to get by. Why? Well, I guess it's because I believe that I wasn't meant to be on this Earth just to slave away and pay taxes along the way.

So as I continue on my journey to discover just what my reason for being here is, I will remember to be grateful. To look at each day as a gift, and not get caught up in the daily struggle. But instead, wake up each day and take a deep breath of air, and enjoy my life. Live my life to the fullest.

Live like I was dying I suppose. ;)

"There's only us, there's only this.

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

No other road, no other way...

NO DAY BUT TODAY!"

-RENT