Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Life Happens

Life has been rolling steadily along. Time is flying... but that just means I'm having fun. :)
Work has been awesome. I am loving the new school and the staff and, of course, the amazing kids. Teaching 5th grade band for the first time ever is a great journey as well. Today we played a song (well... an exercise from the book) pretty much perfectly! It was such a great feeling... I don't know who was more excited; me or the kids! I was so giddy and they were all laughing at my silliness, but then I said "Seriously guys... that was fantastic." And all their little faces were aglow with happiness and pride. I love it!
I also have had some good family time recently. I went to a cider mill with my mom and sister and got cider slushies, fresh cider, donuts, apples, and a fun coloring book (plus a little snowman ornament for Will... he loves snowmen). It was a blast. Then my mom and I went back to her house and the two of us just talked and talked for hours. It was so lovely. My dad chimed in for a bit too, but then he had to go do other things, but that's okay. Just the fact that I got to see both of them warmed my heart.
And my heart does need warming.
Contrary to popular belief that I am happy all the time, I'm not. (I wish I was!) I mean, don't get me wrong. I am a very positive person, and I like to look on the bright side when things are rough, but I go through some crazy highs and lows mentally. I'm supposed to go see a psychologist or something to be evaluated, but honestly... I'm nervous. I don't want to be told that I have some kind of disorder... mainly because I don't want to change. That sounds bad, but I just really like who I am. And I know I'm being irrational... therapy and medication help a lot of people and doesn't necessarily change who they are... but... I can't seem to stop being irrational about the whole thing.
I kind of like that my moods swing around from high to low to high again. It has made for a lot of superb poetry and songs. I just don't like when the lows stick around too long. When that sneaky thing called depression makes me not want to get out of bed, do the things I enjoy, or see people. I can't stand when depression makes my body ache and causes my normally expressive tears to burn with the painful sting of hopelessness. So maybe some help would be good. Maybe.
Well, we'll see. I go on, things change every day, and life happens. So we'll see what happens tomorrow. :)