The Downsides of a Bohemian Lifestyle

I love my life.  I love my lifestyle.  And really, I like pretty much everything exactly the way it is.  But there are downsides to the Bohemian life.

The biggest downside?  No money.  Financially, I am wrecked.  I'm in debt from college (yay for that degree I'm NOT using...), I have credit card debt, and I owe my family and friends money.  It feels crummy.  I have the dream, of course, that someday my artistic talents or my performing or my writing skills will give me the big break I need to make tons of money, and then I will pay off all my debt, buy stuff for everyone I love, travel the world, and donate time and money and resources to charities all over.  Will that happen?  The rational side of me (yes, I DO have one...) says "Don't bet on it."  It's unlikely for someone like me to have massive success.  With that being said though, the dreamer in me keeps saying "Anything is possible."  So I keep on going...

But it's hard NOT to stress about money.  Especially when you only have $1.44 in your bank account and no idea when more money will be coming your way (as is the case with me right now).  And when there is little to no food you can eat in your house (as is also the case with me right now).  And when you owe friends money and you feel like you can't see them because it is just too embarrassing (as is also the case... well, you get the picture...)

But having no money is just one downside.  There's also this whole thing of people not really respecting me and my life choices.  Now, part of me... doesn't care.  Let people think what they want.  If they don't like it, they don't like it.  I will still love them, but I don't want to change just to please them.  But this is a hard road, this road of "I don't care."  Because part of me does care.  I mean, who doesn't want their parents to be proud of them?  Who doesn't want people talking about their successes... instead of always talking about their failures?  And who doesn't want respect?  I want respect.  I want success.  And I want to make my friends and family proud of who I am and what I do.

But maybe for now that is a battle I must lose...  I don't want to change who I am, compromise my beliefs, and work some 9-5 office or factory job just to please everyone else.  I can't.  It's not me.
So instead it remains a big downside for me.

Final downside?  I feel like there's not a lot I can do to change the things that I actually DO need to change.  Every time I try... I get screwed.  Example: Tried to get food stamps.  They called me while I was on Mackinac Island and couldn't talk, and now they just can't seem to find time for me.
I was finally getting unemployment.  I worked one day on Detroit 1-8-7 and suddenly they say I may not qualify for unemployment anymore!  I have no part time OR full time work and $1.44 in my bank account!  How can I NOT qualify?  So I start to feel like the world is out to get me.  Like I am looked down upon.  And like because I don't know how to "work the system," that I will continue to get screwed.  It sucks.  I've worked since I was 14 years old and I just want help.  Is it so hard to help people?  Maybe for some people it is...

Sorry to be so down.  But if I am going to represent my life honestly, I need to talk about the bad stuff too.  Maybe I am just thinking about it a lot because I just used my last bit of money on rent, our bathroom flooded today, and I'm hungry.  But while it was on my mind, I figured I would share.  Maybe some of you out there feel like you're in the same (sinking) boat.  And maybe if you are out there, we can help each other to reach the shore. :)

Peace and Love,
Meagan

Oh Life... oh ever changing life...

This has been, and continues to be, a time of interesting highs and lows for the Modern Bohemian.

We'll start with the lows...

I've been sick, and it worries me. (See earlier post)
A friend's father just died
I don't have enough money to pay my rent
I can't seem to be able to get even a part time job out in the "real world" (only online)
and the State wants to cut back on and/or take away my unemployment benefits... which I've received for less than a month.
Etc. etc. etc.
Boo.

But then there are the high notes!  The happy points!  The exciting moments!  Including:
Getting hired to be the Lansing Electronic Music Examiner on Examiner.com.  (Check out my first article with them here: "Macs Bar supports electronic music in Lansing")
Getting my article, The Top Five Zoos in Michigan, featured on the front page of List My 5.
Getting more followers on Twitter
Getting approved as an affiliate for  and  and
and seeing Wilhuff succeed in the online, social networking world.

But where's the in between?  I can't go through life like I'm on a rollercoaster; up and down, up and down!  Sometimes I need some in between.
The ideal ratio would be 70% good things (the highs), 10% bad things (the lows... you know, so that I can still appreciate the highs), and 20% in between (in between.  Neither bad, nor good, just a normal, smooth sailing kind of boring regularity that sometimes help to keep a person sane.)

For now, I probably just have to deal with the rollercoaster ride.  Maybe eventually the good things (like, my writing) can help with the bad things (like... my lack of money), but until then,  I just have to keep trying my best and plugging away and working hard to survive and keep hope alive...

Peace and Love,
Meagan

PonchoMeg: The Soon to be Unemployed Bohemian

It has been ages since my last post, and I apologize.  My laptop kind of crashed on me.  I gave it to my cousin R. to look at because he is a genius with computers.  But no word back yet.
In any case, I am here now (on Will's computer, while he sleeps so soundly behind me in bed) and I have lots to "let you into my world about," as Dane Cook would say.
Well... I was fired.  Goodbye music teacher!  Not "fired" I guess, but "let go." Effective as soon as school is done of course.  Which is great, because I love coming to work knowing that I am not wanted anymore by the district.  I love watching all the beautiful kids smile as they say they can't wait for music next year, and not being able to say "You may not even have a music program... and if you do... I won't be here!"  The best part though is the fake "goodmornings," "how are yous," and "thanks, dears" that I have to take from my boss.  Love that.
As you can see, at 2:37 AM on this chilly Tuesday morning, sarcasm is reigning supreme.  It's just... I don't know how to deal with this.
Part of me is so angry and upset.  And that part makes me want to be sarcastic, swear a lot during angry tirades directed at people who will never hear them (usually the ones who DO hear them are Will and the cats), and give up all motivation and possibly sanity.  But I shouldn't do all that... should I?
The weird thing is, part of me is totally okay with all this.  Why?  Well... I realized something: I don't really want to be a teacher.
Now don't get me wrong.  I love teaching, I love children, and I love music.  The problem is that I truly dislike everything else about it.  A short list of those things that I dislike:
-Being looked down upon as a music teacher because you are a "special" not a "core class."
-The fact that I can't just do my job and go home.  There's always more to do, and if it's not done on my free time, I will get in trouble at work.  That's just stupid.
-I am teacher, secretary, babysitter, nurse, friend, boss, and stand-in mother figure all in one, but am not given the time or resources I need to do all these things.
-If my cat is sick or I get caught by a train or I have a car accident or if I am puking my brains out at a rest stop, I get written up for being late and my reasons aren't considered legitimate.  What?!?
-Meetings.  Especially ones where they say NOTHING that really applies to me.  Or how about "professional development days" where my valuable time that I could be using to get caught up or learn something new about music or teaching is spent in meetings, working on stuff that I never would normally see, let alone have an impact on (usually for the "core classes"), or (and yes, you're reading this right) NOTHING.  Yes, nothing.
-Having my job on the line constantly.
-The fact that it's more about "how long you've been there" and "how much ass you kiss," not how well you actually teach.  At least... that's what it seems like in my experience.
-Etc. Etc.  The list goes on and on.
Now before I get to anything else... I'll let you take this entry in.  I'll be back soon to write more.
And for those of you worried for me, saying "Meagan, aren't you afraid your employers are going to see this?" Well... what if they do?  What are they going to do? Fire me? ;)
I'll try to stay positive my friends... but it is a struggle as of late.
Peace and Love,
Meagan