Life Happens

Life has been rolling steadily along. Time is flying... but that just means I'm having fun. :)

Work has been awesome. I am loving the new school and the staff and, of course, the amazing kids. Teaching 5th grade band for the first time ever is a great journey as well. Today we played a song (well... an exercise from the book) pretty much perfectly! It was such a great feeling... I don't know who was more excited; me or the kids! I was so giddy and they were all laughing at my silliness, but then I said "Seriously guys... that was fantastic." And all their little faces were aglow with happiness and pride. I love it!

I also have had some good family time recently. I went to a cider mill with my mom and sister and got cider slushies, fresh cider, donuts, apples, and a fun coloring book (plus a little snowman ornament for Will... he loves snowmen). It was a blast. Then my mom and I went back to her house and the two of us just talked and talked for hours. It was so lovely. My dad chimed in for a bit too, but then he had to go do other things, but that's okay. Just the fact that I got to see both of them warmed my heart.

And my heart does need warming.

Contrary to popular belief that I am happy all the time, I'm not. (I wish I was!) I mean, don't get me wrong. I am a very positive person, and I like to look on the bright side when things are rough, but I go through some crazy highs and lows mentally. I'm supposed to go see a psychologist or something to be evaluated, but honestly... I'm nervous. I don't want to be told that I have some kind of disorder... mainly because I don't want to change. That sounds bad, but I just really like who I am. And I know I'm being irrational... therapy and medication help a lot of people and doesn't necessarily change who they are... but... I can't seem to stop being irrational about the whole thing.

I kind of like that my moods swing around from high to low to high again. It has made for a lot of superb poetry and songs. I just don't like when the lows stick around too long. When that sneaky thing called depression makes me not want to get out of bed, do the things I enjoy, or see people. I can't stand when depression makes my body ache and causes my normally expressive tears to burn with the painful sting of hopelessness. So maybe some help would be good. Maybe.

Well, we'll see. I go on, things change every day, and life happens. So we'll see what happens tomorrow. :)

Poem, brought on by too much time to think

Sitting, thinking, wishing, hoping

Life of carefree days is gone

Now I don't know where I'm going

I just wonder why and hum a song

A song of wandering, finding my place

Journey here and journey there

Trying to fit with the other rats in the race

All the while knowing they don't care

All they see is the life they know

Where life of carefree days is gone

so I'm sitting, thinking, wishing, hoping

that I find me; even if I never belong.

Writing Songs

I started writing a new song today. It's about people judging you for what they consider to be faults in the way you live your life. Inspired by my constant worry that everyone I know thinks I am a jobless, lazy, bum! haha It should be good.

Writing my song inspired me a lot though, so I created a new ehow article on the topic of songwriting. I have to say... I am very proud of this article. It's so professional sounding! haha But I guess that makes sense, seeing as I have a degree in Music Education after all. 

Will is off writing songs today too. He is working on an amazing concept album. It's very house, but something else too. Kind of like a mix of Daft Punk, Deadmau5, and something completely and originally Will. I can't wait until he finishes the whole thing. What he has so far is so amazing!!

Anyway, today is just a songwriting kind of day I guess. Anyone else out there writing songs today?

What is a Modern Bohemian?

I am a modern bohemian. If you are too, you already know it. Or you at least suspect it...

Camping

So we (me, my boyfriend, and three of our friends) went on this amazing camping trip to the Manistee National Forest near Manistee, Michigan and we had a GREAT time! We camped in a little campground, had long conversations (and some whittling) around the camp fire, made some pretty good food over the campfire, explored the land around us, had a little swim in the river, went to the beach in Manistee (Lake Michigan) and swam, played frisbee, made sand castles, and buried some people in the sand (don't worry, they got out). We went to dinner at a local bar in Manistee, saw some cool artwork, hung out at camp playing territories, cards, hacky sack, frisbee, and jamming out around the fire. We relaxed, de-stressed, and chilled out and genuinely had a wonderful time.

I love camping. Yes, it can be a little uncomfortable sleeping in a tent with five people, but it is completely worth it. Being able to be one with nature, practicing basic survival skills, and living a more simple life for a few days really revives the spirit. I almost wish I could live that way all the time, but alas, this Modern Bohemian has a lot of needs and desires that cannot be met living the simple life in the woods. Although... the camp site WAS only $15.00 a week. That would be roughly $60.00 a month to just stay there and live. I pay $600.00 a month now for rent. Think of how much money I could save living out there! haha Unfortunately, it's not an option... but I can always dream, can't I?

Faults, Truths, and Whatnot: Information Revealed

I am a modern day Hippie, Bohemian, Free-Spirit
I am super naive, easily manipulated, and overly trusting. So bottom line: I get hurt a lot. Also... I do not like April Fool's Day, Practical Jokes, or Pranks because of this.
I am a person who gets too high of expectations about EVERYTHING which means that when I get crushed, I am crushed into the ground. Also, I occasionally cry a lot.
But sometimes, when I should, I don't cry at all.
I have changed a lot in the last ten years.
I don't like to shave my legs. Ever. Yet I do it when I feel it is needed... not because smooth legs necessarily mean a lot to me. They don't.
I have the occasional melt-down.
Sometimes I literally wonder if I am f'd up and insane. Then I stop wondering and realize the answer is yes.
Sometimes I get really full of myself.
People who act friendly to people's faces and then talk trash about them upset me. I tell people what I feel to their face. ALL except the BACKSTABBERS! Why don't I tell them that I think that their backstabbing is wrong? Because I don't want to judge, I guess. But I am judging. I'm just not speaking up. Damn.
I unapologetically love childish activities like coloring, playing board games, swinging on swings, singing along to songs like "Fifty, Nifty United States" and "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?," eating candy like it's the only food I've had in a year, reading books like The Boxcar Children, playing truth or dare, dancing around to music (badly), and hugging my mom and calling her mommy.
When depressed, I can, and will, consume an entire box of fudge rounds. This is why I do not buy them.
I love my friends, but sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone.
I don't like to eat alone. It bothers me, a lot. To the point where it's almost ridiculous. (the fudge rounds are an obvious exception)
I feel like people don't understand me. At all. Like I would literally help ANYONE if I was able, even if we weren't friends.

I am honest.
I don't like spiders. But I cry if I kill one. I don't believe in pointless killing. I suppose if I ate the spider, I would feel better, but I could never touch a spider on purpose. AHHH!
I constantly feel like I am searching for something. I am a sad poet, a romantic, a bohemian, hippie, crazy person and that's just the way it is.
I got a speeding ticket once, and I deserved it.
I have medical problems, and I don't tell people all about it because I don't want to make excuses.
I've hurt many people, and been hurt by many people, intentionally and unintentionally.
I am almost always cold. I wear long underwear under almost everything I wear in the winter.
I feel like an outsider a lot. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't.
I like talking dirty, telling dirty jokes, and making sexual innuendo.
I swear a lot. Probably more than I should...
I like to try new things.
I want to do so much more with my life than what I am doing now.

I believe in peace and love.
I am me.
And that makes me pretty damn happy.
Even if I am a mess.