My Hippie, Bohemian, Free-Spirit Life in 2013... a modern "La Boheme," "Rent," "American-poverty" (anti-) sob story about WRITING...

I don't do as much writing as I should. I say this, not because I'm not bringing in enough money writing (which I'm not) but more because I feel happier when I express myself and put it out there for the world to consume through their eyes, and I haven't been doing that as much lately!

But part of the reason I don't do as much writing as I should is because I live a very busy, sometimes chaotic existence between working odd jobs, nannying, singing, acting, modeling, doing promotional work, making art and arts and crafts, public speaking, and things going wrong left and right. I do seem to get kicked when I am down about 99% of the time, and I have to work harder and longer hours at more jobs to make less money than I would at one "GOOD" or "NORMAL" job. Ugghh...

Some say I bring it on myself, and that is slightly true.  I am a hippie, bohemian, free-spirit after all; I am a freelancer, an artist, a creative-type. I am not a 9-5, cubicle sitting, paper-pushing, follow someone else's orders all the time kind of person. Never have been, (pretty sure I) never will be. Not that I can't work for/with others. I can. I am just a person who needs a lot of flexibility, creative freedom, and honestly, the ability to do more than one thing. I have way too many ideas swirling around in my head to be tied down to one profession.

I am a hard worker (which seems to surprise some people who believe that all hippies are dirty and lazy) and I DO push myself to do a lot in a day. It's just that... where I am now, even what I AM doing isn't enough. It's not enough to feel satisfied, it is not enough to pay the bills... it's just not enough.

I look back at when I was a teacher and I cannot believe how different things are now. I was bringing in $1800 every two weeks at my first teaching job. Plus I had benefits, insurance, investments... My medical issues could be managed, if my car broke down, I could fix it, I never had a problem paying RENT... NOW, I am lucky to bring in $475-$575 a MONTH!! I'm not less of a hard worker, I am not less smart than I was (if anything I am wiser) and I always do quality work. But because I am a freelance creative spirit - a writer, actress, musician, model, artist, odd job Queen - I struggle. Because I am a hippie, bohemian, free-spirit below the poverty line - I struggle. Because I am a girl who grew up below the poverty line, "bettered herself" by going to college, and racked up over $30,000 in debt - I struggle. Because I am young and have EDS-hypermobility, CFS, Fibro., cysts, anxiety, bipolar, chronic UTIs, allergies, and a gluten-intolerance but "look fine" and have no insurance - I struggle.

I struggle! And when I struggle, I often end up making myself struggle more. I become my own worst enemy. I get bogged down by all the bad, and I work HARDER, not SMARTER... burning myself up from all ends. I take too much on, I extend the hours that I keep, I do way more reading and research than actual writing and I make list upon list of things to do, most of which I never even get to. I waste a lot of time and energy. But then, somehow, I BURST THROUGH!!! Like a beacon of light on the foggiest night, I will emerge victorious!!! And for that brief moment - whether it is actually writing something and getting it out there, paying a bill, getting a new job, getting booked for a movie, etc. - I feel as though the possibilities are endless; like I can do anything.

And the truth is, WE CAN do just about anything. We humans are AMAZING creatures. We just cannot be our own worst enemies. We have to live with a sense of purpose and drive and work hard to achieve our dreams. We have to believe that we can make it through anything. I mean, really... what's the other option? Give up, lay down, and die? No thanks.

I push and I fight. I do. Hence why I am writing this now. I remind myself what all this means to me; the blog, the people I've met, the people I've helped, the writing, the freedom, the creativity, the art, the rewarding hard work, the joy... and so when I am not writing as much as I should (as I have been doing...) I come here, back to the beginning, to the MAIN BLOG, my roots... and I remind myself. And I write, and the words fly from my fingers as they move across the keys and I reboot, revitalize, and am reborn yet again into my ever crazy hippie, bohemian, free-spirit world!

And so it won't matter that I don't make what I made as a teacher, or that my rent is 2 months behind, or that I don't eat every day...

WHY?

Because money doesn't fuel my life, a secure job doesn't do it for me either, and I don't care if I eat everyday or get regular sleep. I am an ARTIST! A creative soul! A HIPPIE, BOHEMIAN, FREE-SPIRIT who just needs to be revitalized from time to time and reminded that THIS is what matters - the creativity, the love, the peace, the helping of others, the release, the feeling of really knowing who you are...

So hopefully this means I will be writing more again. I'm definitely ready for another rebirth. ;)

Peace and Love,
Meagan

Wow...it's been awhile

Hello friends. Wow... it has been a LONG time since I updated the blog. This is probably for many reasons, some of which include just being super busy living, the fact that my blog was semi-hacked for a bit, & the fact that we have had issues with keeping our internet over the past few months. But I am here now, so I will give you an idea of what life has been like.

Well, back at the beginning of the summer I made an interesting choice to quit my job (with no back-up plan, really) because I was unhappy with the amount of work as compared to compensation, the wear & tear on my car, & the dishonesty that I had to endure (& be a part of) while I was there.  Maybe it wasn't the smartest choice just to pick up & quit, but it is what it is.

So to make ends meet, I donated plasma often, sold a lot of my stuff, taught music lessons, & began modeling for art classes at Michigan State University & for local photographers.  I also took my 403B money from when I was teaching & used it to pay lots of bills. But... I was (& still am) pretty broke anyway.

But even though I had no money & no prospects, I lived a happy existence.  I was in "Annie" at Riverwalk Theatre (as Bonnie Boylan, Cecille the French Maid, a homeless person in Hooverville, & an NYC resident), I made a lot of new friends, & I even entangled myself in a bit of a backstage chemistry with a charming & handsome 37 year old. I also went on an amazing getaway with my mom to The Homestead Resort in northern Michigan. We climbed Sleeping Bear Dunes, got massages at Spa Amira, had an elegant dinner at the fancy dancy restaurant at the resort (where I was charmed by a handsome waiter who looked kinda like Robert Downing Jr.) & visited the Amber Elk Ranch, where we got to feed Elk as we road on a wagon through their habitats. It was awesome.

In addition to all that fun & intrigue, I also became an official member of the band The Sunset Club. So I started gigging with them more & being more involved in the song writing process. (I even got to be on the radio with them for an interview & two live songs. AWESOME!) I also started working on my songs with Will (which we will be recording soon. I'll keep ya posted.)

(The Sunset Club after our radio interview/live set)

So the summer went by nicely, with "Annie" & the trip & The Sunset Club & just getting to hang out with all my new friends at parties, concerts, & incredibly fun (& occasionally wicked) bar nights. But when "Annie" came to a close, the weather began to change, & the 403B money ran out, I started to get a little depressed. It didn't help that Will & I were having problems either...

So what did I do? I broke things off with Will (with the condition that we could still date to try to work things out in the future), I did more modeling, taught more music lessons, & I got a new job as a nanny to two amazing kids!

That kind of gets us up to speed.  I am still working as a nanny, still teaching lessons, & still modeling. I am also taking more responsibility in The Sunset Club & gearing up to audition for another show at Riverwalk. So I am pretty happy, & grateful that I have what I do.  But I am a bohemian... so I simply crave more.


What more could I want you ask? Well... a job that pays better would be nice. Benefits would be nice (especially dental insurance as I need to get pretty much all my teeth capped.) I could really use a different place to live with fewer people coming in & out all the time. (Don't get me wrong... I love having people over. But sometimes it ends up feeling more like a hostel, a cheap motel, or some kind of "magnet house" for all the other poor hippies & it's just too much to handle.) I would also like to do more acting, singing, & modeling & of course finish my book!! I also want a garden someday soon... & a dog, & hopefully in the next few years, a baby. That's right, I said it. A baby. My sister & my best friend are both pregnant right now, so I know I have a bit of baby fever, but honestly I never imagined having my first kid past 30 anyway, & I'm getting close & it's making me worry that I won't ever be stable enough financially & romantically to have kids. So I'm thinking about it a lot.

I'm sure there's more.  But this is getting pretty long winded as it is.

I hope you feel a little more up to date on my crazy Bohemian lifestyle. Come back soon; I promise not too wait as long to write again.

Peace & Love,
Meagan

My Hippie, Bohemian, Free-Spirit Lifestyle in 2011

Happy New Year everyone!  How is 2011 treating you so far?  This modern day hippie/bohemian/free-spirit is doing pretty well so far this year.  I was a little worried there at the end of December, when January 1st was rolling around and I still didn't have rent money... but just as things usually do for me, it worked out somehow!  Now I am actually getting unemployment money, making a little more money with my online writing, and I am able to actually have the time to seek other employment that is suitable for me.  (Though... I am still not sure what kind of employment is suitable for me!)
Most importantly though, I am making sure that I am continuing to become a better person in 2011.  And I'm starting close to home; with the people who I always seem to hurt the most: my family.  In 2010, I missed birthdays, I cancelled things at the last minute, and I didn't communicate with my mom, dad, sister, and bro-in-law more than once a week sometimes.  That is simply unacceptable!
My biggest problem is that I tend to give and give and give to friends and strangers and then there is simply not much left for my family, and this isn't fair.  So I need to find some balance (something that is VERY hard for me.)
I am improving already though; I celebrated my mom's birthday with my whole family, I have talked to my mom and dad on the phone and in person several times, and I just went to a game night at my sister's house, hosted by her and my new bro-in-law.  So.... it's progress.
Even though my family doesn't quite understand that I would rather live out of my car than move home (it's something about the crazy bohemian belief in freedom, creativity, and the "open spirit" I think) or that I don't want to work just for money but to feel empowered, creative, and fulfilled; or why exactly I dress the way I do; I know that my family loves me and I need to show them my love in return.
This does not mean that I am going to stop giving to friends and strangers.  I couldn't stop that either!  I am of the belief that I have a life mission to spread peace, love, and creativity to this world, so I cannot give up on that ever! Ever!!
So it comes back to balance.  Perhaps if I get back into Pilates, I can find a little balance (and keep my bod smokin'!)
What else am I working on besides this "balance?"  Well, I would like to see some of my art reach the world on a bigger scale. (My "art" being my writing, my music, my acting, modeling, and performing, and my actual art and arts and crafts.)  How to do that is the next question!!
I mean... "art" is very important to a modern day hippie, bohemian, and/or free-spirit, and I am no exception to this.  As Laren Stover said in Bohemian Manifesto: A Field Guide to Living on the Edge (this is NOT verbatim) bohemians want to be known for their work, for their "art," even if it is not until later in life or after death (though most want a bit of fame while they are young and really able to live it up and enjoy it!)  I am not an exception to this either.  From a young age I had dreams of fame.  I wanted to be a country singer, then a Broadway star, then a top selling author, a poet, an artist, a pop singer, a model, an Oscar winner, a famous blogger, a world peacemaker, etc... the only "non-fame" role I have ever pursued was "teacher."  But even teachers can go on to become famous! (Sheryl Crow and Tim Gunn anyone?)
So what am I really after here?  Recognition for my art? Money? Fame? Acceptance? Peace and love?  I think it may be a combination of all of the above.
So we'll see what 2011 has to offer this modern hippie, bohemian, free-spirit.  Will I gain balance?  Will I make a difference in the world?  Will I become rich and famous and bigger than Justin Bieber? (Probably not...) We'll see...
Peace and Love,
Meagan

By the way, speaking of Tim Gunn (as I did above)... I am reading Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons for Making It Work and really enjoying it.  His point of view is interesting, but actually pretty basic: people should be good to one another (and have good manners!)  So if you're looking for another book to add to your reading list, I would suggest checking this one out.